Down another 1.9 pounds

I just need to get excited and dance around a bit.

I'm down another 1.9 pounds, despite some poor food choices this week.

I also saw a number in the 260's for the first time since right after my dad died.

I'm really proud of myself

6/30 goals in review + new goals week of 7/7

Week 1 of "Operation: Be Less Fat" is complete. To recap, my goals were:

1) Complete all three training wogs scheduled
     Status: Completed. Went home for the holiday weekend and even squeezed in some extra long doggy walks on top of it all

2) Eat out less than 3 meals
     Status: Completed. Though the fact that we had a huge cookout and I gorged myself on some super fattening ethnic foods probably wasn't the way to go about meeting that goal.

3) Don't skip lunch at work
     Status: FAIL. I forgot lunch two days last week :(



So time for new goals this week

1) spend at least 30 minutes in my garden each  night (weather permitting)
2) go out for a walk/jog 4 nights this week
3) stock my NEW office mini-fridge with healthy foods and snacks

What does my food look like?

So one of my goals this week was to eat out less.

I'll admit- I had become lazy and complacent. My usual breakfast at work was something from McDonalds- either a sausage biscuit + frappe or a hotcakes and sausage platter + frappe.

Medium caramel frappe- 550 calories
Sausage Biscuit- 430 calories
Hotcakes and sausage- 520 calories

So right there my breakfasts on any given day were between 980 and 1070 calories. And I was paying $4.50-$6.50 for all of the gross food! Figure that's an average of $28 a week.


Excuse me while I vomit.

And then I would skip lunch because I ate such a disgustingly large breakfast. And by the time I got home I was famished and ate a ridiculous dinner.

No wonder I gained 90 pounds. ICK!

So I've decided it's time to take my meals back! Or more accurately- take my meals to work.

I spent some time on food stamps right after college and learned to shop super thrifty, so I knew it wouldn't be a challenge to get nutritious and reasonably priced food. Here's what I bought this week

8 bagels- $2.50 (on clearance at the grocery). I split them in half
     Cost per serving- $0.16
10 yogurts- $6.00
     Cost per serving- $0.60
10 pears- $2.00 (they were seconds at the farmers market)
     Cost per serving- $0.20
6 peaches- $3.50 (farmer's market)
     Cost per serving- $0.58
3 cans of Progresso soup- $4.00 (coupon+ in store sale). Each can will provide two lunches
     Cost per serving- $0.66

So my typical breakfast has looked like this
1/2 bagel with butter (180 calories)
1 cup of yogurt (90 calories)
A piece of fruit (60 calories)
Total Cost - $1.20 (average)
Total Calories 330

And a typical lunch has looked like this:
1 bowl of soup (130 calories)
1/2 bagel  (180 calories)
Total cost- $0.82
Total calories 310

So I went from consuming roughly 1,000 calories a day at work to consuming 640 calories. I'm fuller for a longer period of time, and I've literally cut my dining costs in half ($2.02 vs $4.50)

I have a fridge in my office, so I just bring all of my food in on Monday, and then I don't have to worry about it again until the following week.

I'm actually flabbergasted at how easy it's been!

Weekly Goals 6/30/14

So I promised I would set weekly goals for myself. So this week, here are my goals

1) Complete all 3 training "wogs" (walk/jogs) I have scheduled
2) Eat out less than 3 meals
3) Don't skip lunch at work


Starting nice and easy

Fat girl, getting skinny

So part of the reason we're benching ourselves is to lose weight before IVF. I've not put it out there before, but I'm going to right now. 

Between the stress of IF and the death of my father, I have gained 90 pounds in the past 3 years. Before that 90 pounds I put on about 10.

I went from 160 to 278.

278 fucking pounds

Yeah, it feels good to put it out there. That would be a weight that exceeds most home ladders, most soccer mom lawn chairs, and means you're too big to fit in most rollercoasters.

I went from a size 10 to a size 22W

Pretty sure the W stands for whale, not woman. Because "women" aren't designed to be this large.

So it's time to get back in control of my weight and my life. 

This was week 1 of giving a damn about my weight and health for real.

I weighed 278.2 a week ago.

Today I weigh 274.5.

It's a start.

So until we move on with IVF, this blog will be chronicling my journey back to healthy. I hope to highlight things like my workouts, mini goals, my weight change for the week, and some of my healthy meals.

So let's do this.

Remembering Tavin & Casey

Infertility is a funny thing. You spend months (or years) fighting against this invisible foe, until one day you wake up and for a change there are two lines on that damned pee stick instead of one.

And most people would assume at that point that your journey with infertility is over.

But it's not.

I still haven't gotten to that point. I haven't seen the two lines since my two early losses. And excuse me for speaking out of school here, but I think I have a pretty good handle on what happens after that BFP.

Two pink lines are not the end of worrying. Two lines are just the beginning of the fear.

You go from fear of never having children to having fear of losing the children you've fought so hard for. You spend the next 40ish weeks doing whatever you can to ensure that these children that you've loved since before they were conceived have a fighting chance out in the world.

You go from living in 2 week chunks of time between stages of treatment to living in chunks of time separated by milestones.

"Just a few more hours until we see if our betas have doubled"
"Just a few more days and we can see the baby on ultrasound"
"Just a few more weeks until we can hear a heartbeat"
"Just a few more weeks until we're out of first trimester"
"Just a few more weeks until V-Day"
(that's viability day, or 24 weeks gestation- the point at which medical intervention will be taken for preemies, for those not in the know)

Each milestone passed is a quick sigh of relief, and then you find yourself focusing on that next milestone. That next hurdle that stand between you and holding a child in your arms.

Last week, two of my infertility sisters (partners)  were stopped in their tracks, that last big hurdle in their sights. They had fought the battle of infertility. They had come out victorious. They were expecting twin girls. They were over the moon. They had bumps in the road, and the mother who was carrying their babies was placed on bedrest for the past several weeks.

And then the unthinkable happened. At 21 weeks their daughters were born. They had to say hello and goodbye to Tavin in the same breath, and they had an hour with little Casey before she joined her sister in the life that comes after this one.

M & H, I don't know if either of you will ever see this blog, but my thoughts and prayers are with you both today as you celebrate the lives of your daughters. They are so lucky to have moms like you

Wow I'm a slacker

I promised myself I wouldn't let this blog fall by the wayside.


And then I did.


What can I say- life on a break has kind of given me freedom from my IF thoughts.


Since the last time I blogged, I:

- Had a consult with our RE. His suggestion is IVF with ICSI after I lose 40-45 pounds. Tentatively planned for November
- Signed up for a 1/2 marathon in October
- Failed to start training for said half marathon
-Went to Bermuda with my mom- and it was absolute heaven
- Planted over 250 flowers in my garden
- Planted more lettuce and radishes than two people could possibly ever eat
- Lived on lettuce and radishes for a week, LOL
- Scheduled a consult with CNY since they're 1/2 the cost of my RE
- Set up a GoFundMe page at the suggestion of several other bumpies
- Had friends offer to host an online art/craft auction to help pay for our IVF cycle
- Had an extremely generous bumpie offer up a care package that should help bring down our IVF costs
- Redecorated our master bedroom
-tackled a few pinerest projects (pics to follow)
-started an etsy store to help fund our IVF journey
-Started BCP's to avoid hyperplasia again
-found my sex drive
- helped my best friend propose to his now-fiancee
-Spent a weekend in the Smoky Mountains and then in Nashville
- Started to explore adoption


So needless to say I've been quite a busy bee.... but I know I won't be neglecting this blog any more!