It's the most wonderful time of the year. Families are getting together, people are sending out Christmas cards, and generally folks are happy and excited to talk about life changes: new jobs, graduations, and of course babies.
This is the first year that I've been hit hard by pregnancy announcements in the form of cards. I've put together a list of things to avoid doing during the holidays that might inadvertently hurt someone going through IF.
1) Don't announce your pregnancy at the dinner table. You never know who in your family may be struggling to start a family, and they'll be forced to either come out about their struggles as they sob at the table, or they'll be forced to eat a meal in very uncomfortable silence.
2) Don't push your womb-fresh baby on others. Some women may have mustered up all the strength in the world to show up at your holiday gathering. They love you and your baby, they just don't want to hold it and be reminded of what they don't have.
3) Don't ask someone if they're not drinking because they're pregnant. They may be DD'ing, or perhaps they're not drinking because they're going through treatments and feel that they have too much $$$$ on the line to risk blaming a drink on not getting pregnant that month, regardless of if that is the cause or not.
4) Avoid saying "so when are you going to give your mom/MIL a grandbaby?" or any other conversation asking about someone's sex life and reproductive capabilities. Frankly, what they're doing behind closed doors is none of your damn business.
5) If you know someone is going through fertility struggles, do NOT announce your pregnancy via a Christmas pic/card/letter to them. Reach out to them 1-1 first (I prefer email or IM as it gives me time to process and cry) and let them know. Nothing sucks more than opening card after card of "squee, guess who's knocked up".
6) Respect the fact that the holidays are hard. Of course we love you/your pregnant belly and/or our niece/nephew/godchild to pieces, but it may just be too hard to come to family gatherings this year. Please respect our need for space and privacy as we mourn what we lack. It doesn't mean that we're jealous of you, per se- it's just hard knowing that we're NOT in the knocked up camp.
Most of all- love EACH of your family members for who they are, and not for their ability to spawn.
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