A look back at WHY you need an RE and NOT an OB for treatment of infertility issues

I was just referencing my sticky post (of why you need an RE) on TB, and it made me realize that so many things my OB dismissed were true issues. So I wanted to go back to that conversation and update it with what my testing revealed

Me: so what are the steps from here?

OB: Well, we need to get you ovulating. So as long as the biopsy looks good, we'll start you on Clomid after your flow arrives.

          

Me: Will we do any testing first?

OB: That is unnecessary

Me: But what about an HSG for me and a SA for DH?

OB: Those aren't necessary at this point in the process. Again, we want to do minimal cost  first. There's no reason for that much testing this soon. You're worrying too much.  We will do an ultrasound on Day 14 to see how you are responding.

Test Results: DH had poor motility and poor morphology. So yes, the semen analysis WAS needed!

 

Me: But no CD 3 ultrasound? What if there are cysts?

OB: That's normally not an issue.

Me: But what if there *are* cysts, since you said I have PCOS tendencies- I'd prefer to not end up in the ER with a very large cyst rupturing.

OB: It's not our normal protocol. That's a lot of money that doesn't need to be spent. 

Me: But what if I have a blocked tube? The Clomid won't do me any good

OB: That's probably not your issue

Test Results: My right tube was completely blocked. I also ended up having an SHG done after my HSG because there was a shadowed area on the HSG. Which could have been a fibroid that would have prevented pregnancy on my good side. But luckily the SHG showed nothing that we didn't already know about

Me: But what if it is- how do you know it's not, and I don't want to waste one of my 6 cycles of Clomid

OB: The "6 cycles of Clomid" is a myth. As long as you respond well, there's no max

Test Results: I was a poor responder on Clomid- and we switched to femara for our 2nd cycle. My OB did not even consider femara to be an option. 

Me: My biggest concern is thinning my lining

OB: Research shows that a thin lining has no effect on achieving a pregnancy

               

Me: But what about bloodwork and an SA?

OB: The SA isn't necessary- you're clearly not ovulating

Test Results: See above- abnormal semen analysis. Even if I was ovulating normally we'd need at least an IUI to have success

Me: but what if we're in the 30% of couples who are dealing with issues from both of us, again, I'd prefer to not waste time and resources if we don't resolve all underlying issues.Plus, we're going on vacation in July, and if DH has any sperm issues, I'd prefer he avoid the hot tub

OB: That's not necessary. A hot tub won't affect his sperm count.

Test Results: RE said no more hot tubs or saunas for either of us due to his issues

 Me: And as for bloodwork,  wouldn't it make sense to do a CD3 blood draw with DHEA-s and LH/FSH to rule out adrenal hyperplasia, since we know I'll be on CD 3 soon? 

OB: You present with typical PCOS symptoms. I don't think that's necessary.

Test Results: Hashimoto's thyroiditis- which may have caused my two prior miscarriages. Which would have been diagnosed had she bothered to run bloodwork.

I sure hope this is my period

Somewhat Wordless Wednesday Post

This is how I currently feel. I can't handle gaining any more weight right now, so I really hope this is AF. Though I've never had period bloat in my thighs before.

This is what I probably look like right now

Christmas for Fertiles- a suggestion guide

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Families are getting together, people are sending out Christmas cards, and generally folks are happy and excited to talk about life changes: new jobs, graduations, and of course babies.


This is the first year that I've been hit hard by pregnancy announcements in the form of cards. I've put together a list of things to avoid doing during the holidays that might inadvertently hurt someone going through IF.

1) Don't announce your pregnancy at the dinner table. You  never know who in your family may be struggling to start a family, and they'll be forced to either come out about their struggles as they sob at the table, or they'll be forced to eat a meal in very uncomfortable silence.

2) Don't push your womb-fresh baby on others. Some women may have mustered up all the strength in the world to show up at your holiday gathering. They love you and your baby, they just don't want to hold it and be reminded of what they don't have.

3) Don't ask someone if they're not drinking because they're pregnant. They may be DD'ing, or perhaps they're not drinking because they're going through treatments and feel that they have too much $$$$ on the line to risk blaming a drink on not getting pregnant that month, regardless of if that is the cause or not.

4) Avoid saying "so when are you going to give your mom/MIL a grandbaby?" or any other conversation asking about someone's sex life and reproductive capabilities. Frankly, what they're doing behind closed doors is none of your damn business.

5) If you know someone is going through fertility struggles, do NOT announce your pregnancy via a Christmas pic/card/letter to them. Reach out to them 1-1 first (I prefer email or IM as it gives me time to process and cry) and let them know. Nothing sucks more than opening card after card of "squee, guess who's knocked up".

6) Respect the fact that the holidays are hard. Of course we love you/your pregnant belly and/or our niece/nephew/godchild to pieces, but it may just be too hard to come to family gatherings this year. Please respect our need for space and privacy as we mourn what we lack. It doesn't mean that we're jealous of you, per se- it's just hard knowing that we're NOT in the knocked up camp.


Most of all- love EACH of your family members for who they are, and not for their ability to spawn.

Long Distance Monitoring- a primer

So last week, I really thought AF was on her way. I woke up in the middle of the night with gas pain and cramps, which is normally a surefire sign that AF is on her way.

So I called my clinic, and then looked at the calendar. Oh shit- we'd be in my hometown for Christmas during monitoring.

No problem, my clinic says, as long as I can find a clinic back home to monitor me.

Fat chance- I grew up in the sticks and the nearest RE is 1.5 hours away. But it was worth a shot.

I'll spare you the boring back and forth details- but it took 4 phone calls to get everything coordinated: if AF showed up, I'd be set for monitoring back home. We would be out of pocket for the monitoring appointment ($280 for US+ bloodwork) and have to pay my clinic another $150 or so for "long distance case management" but it was more than worth it knowing we wouldn't have to skip a cycle.

And then I got my meds ordered which was another praiseworthy moment. OOP cost would have been $978 for the follistim (75iu daily, ordered two 300 IU pens). Thank GOD insurance picked up 50% of the cost. Which bought it down to $488.

And then I had a coupon for $300 off from my RE.

Final cost- $188, and it will arrive on Wednesday!

And the best part- this first IUI should end up costing less than $850 out of pocket!



Of course AF didn't show up after all of this, but regardless we are set for IUI #1 as soon as she shows up. We're doing a hybrid cycle with Femara on days 3-8, and then follistim day 8 forward

Like this lamb...

Stark white on the FRER with FMU

But it was fun getting to the point of peeing on the FRER. Woke up having to pee like a racehorse. So I did a urine catch in a dixie cup like normal, and dipped the extra blue dye test. I don't know if I've got line eyes or just hopeful, but I thought there was a little squinter. So I decided it was time to break out a FRER.

And then realized I didn't have time to go buy a FRER, come home, dip, and then drive to work.

So the urine sample got transferred into a disposable plastic water bottle. The bottle of piss, dixie cup, blue dye test I took this morning, and the one I tore apart like a crazed drug fiend looking for a fix at 2AM and I all got into my car, and drove to the grocery store.


I must say I've gotten spoiled with Amazon prime. I've not had to buy a HPT *in person* in close to 2 years. And even though I'm married and we're hoping to be pregnant, it's still the most awkward walk from the condoms and HPT aisle up to the cashier. I mumbled a holiday greeting and went back out to the car.

Broke open the FRER, transferred the urine sample from the bottle back into the dixie cup. Time to dip the test. Dumped the extra urine back from the dixie cup into the water bottle. Put all the trash into a plastic bag, and dropped it in the McDonalds drive-through trash can after grabbing my mocha.


Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Stop at a stoplight. Squint at the FRER.

Drive a mile. Stop at another light. Squint harder. Put on the map light and hold it up, hoping to see a shadow.

Drive another two miles. Stop at a few more lights. Squint even harder.


Arrive at the office....

Tear the FRER apart like a crazy person.

Hold the test strip up to the fluorescent lights in my cube. Still nothing.


CD 29, no positive OPK this month. Time to call the RE and come up with a game plan for January. 

I just broke the three cardinal rules of HPT's

Sorry for the long silence. The friend I posted about in my last post has been going through a worse time than I thought, and it's been a lot of late nights helping them deal with their grief.


But on to tonight. I just broke the three cardinal rules of HPT's. I was out of wondfo's and stopped at the dollar store on my way home. This is the result:


1) Thou shalt not use blue dye tests
2) Thou shalt not look at the test after the time window has elapsed
3) Thou shalt not disassemble a HPT to get a better look at the lines


Yeah. Currently sitting in bed obsessing over a 6 hour old blue dye test. That clearly has a second line. That is clearly blue, albeit thin.


It's probably an evap or false positive.
I'm probably not pregnant
I don't know why I'm even letting myself get my hopes up.


I'm going to pick up a FRER in the morning. And I solemnly swear I will never buy a blue dye again.

Miles apart

And now for something not TTC related.


I'm currently living 600 miles from my best friend. The type of best friend who you can't imagine living without. The type that would take a bullet for you. The type that you're so in tune with that they don't even have to speak- you're always on the same wavelength.

And my friend is going through some major life struggles. Divorce, job changes, moving (even further away) and some other stress that comes to living in a new city. Said friend is not in a good head space mentally.

I've not been able to sleep for the past two nights. I've woken up thinking about them several times each night and it's tearing me apart from the inside knowing that I can't just show up and hug them to make it better.

I'd give anything to be able to hop on a plane tonight and show up at their doorstep. I know there's more going on than they're telling me through skype/facebook/text... and it's killing me not knowing how I can support them through this time.

I'm thinking there's going to be a weekend roadtrip in my future.

Life Hack Sunday- no drip ice pack

There is nothing in the world that I hate more than a drippy, wet bag of melting ice cubes when I'm trying to ice something down or keep something cool.


This LHS is quick and easy

What's in your Oven Friday: Chicken Divan (Chicken Divine!)

When I think of comfort food from home, I think of my mommy's chicken divan. It's more or less the opposite of healthy, but good golly it's quick, easy, and it freezes well!

Mom's Chicken Divan

Ingredient List

2 packages (10oz each) frozen broccoli

4 cups cubed chicken (I tend to use pre-cooked tyson chicken- you could pre-cook and cube your own though)
2 10oz cans Cream of Chicken soup
3/4 cup mayo
1 tsp lemon juice
1 cup shredded cheese

To Prepare:
Preheat oven to 350*

Cook broccoli according to package directions and drain

Grease a 9x13 baking dish (I prefer to use butter to add to the deliciousness)

Mix chicken and broccoli together, and add to 9x13 baking dish. Combine cream of chicken soup, mayo, and lemon juice, and pour over chicken and broccoli mixture. Top with cheese

Cook in oven for 35-40 minutes

Insert into face and enjoy the cheesy goodness!

An Ode to Iced Coffee

DIY iced coffee is my new BFF. I've been trying to cut down on caffeine for the good majority of this TTC journey. But with taking on a new role, I'm burning the candle at both ends and in the middle.

Enter iced coffee. Since my cup is probably 3/4 ice and 1/4 coffee, I've realized I can have 3 cups of iced coffee for the same amount of caffeine as 1 cup of hot coffee.

It's the same amount of coffee, but if I try hard, I can trick myself into thinking "ok, you've had 3 cups of coffee today- you're invincible. And at the end of the day, I feel human: 

DIY Wednesday- The easiest dry erase board ever

I'm a sucker for cheap, easy, and fun gifts. My little sister started college this year, and I saw this on pinterest and immediately knew I needed to make one for her

Photo Credit: Lisa Cutler

I feel like my DIY projects keep getting easier and easier. I picked up an 8x10 photo frame at the dollar store, inserted a piece of scrapbook paper behind the glass, and then hot glued a string to the back with a loop for a dry erase marker.

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am! Gift DONE.

I'm mailing it to her for her mid-term exam week along with a few starbucks gift cards and some junky snacks.

Getting back on the running train

So I've decided that I absolutely refuse to wait any longer to "be healthy"

And nothing says motivation quite like money on the line.


So today I registered for a 1/2 marathon in May. With a very generous (15 min/mile) pacing cutoff.

7 months to train for a 1/2 should be plenty of time to ease into it and not piss off my RE.

So here goes nothing

The bench

Enough said. My comfy spot for the next month at the very minimum.

No response to the drugs, we're out this month, and taking a month off to relax, get healthy, and focus on us. 

Life Hack Sunday- Don't end up in the ER!

So let's start off with a funny story. A few years ago DH and I were on our way to pick up our new bedding set, but the furniture tiedowns were in a blister pack. I don't know why they felt the need to hermetically seal a $5 pack of tiedowns, but I digress.

So DH was standing in the parking lot with a boxcutter, trying to open the package. He didn't realize that he was standing on black ice. Slip went the foot, slice went the knife, goodbye went the tendon in his left thumb.


I've never seen so much blood in my life.

Luckily the orthopedic surgeon was able to fish the tendon out of his wrist and sew it back together (yeah, it was as disgusting as it sounds) and he's better now. But that was a $4,000 surgery (thank God it happened the month after he got health insurance!) that we really didn't need.


So in Mr. Dreaming's honor, I present to you LHS: Don't cut yourself

Living while Waiting (or waiting while living!)

This is a topic that seems to come up often in the IF community: the waiting. You've got the 2WW after ovulation to test. You've got the wait at the end of the 2WW for AF to show up if you're irregular. You've got the wait after your CD3 ultrasound until your mid-cycle scan.

It's a lot of waiting.

And lately I've found myself wishing that time away. And then I paused to think. If I live to be 85, that means I only have approximately 21,000 days left on earth. Why would I wish ANY of those precious days away. Yes, the waiting sucks, but I need to KEEP LIVING while waiting.

Which is why I've taken up writing again. And singing. And working out when I'm able. And going out with friends. And enjoying a drink or two.


No more wishing time away. Today is the day I start living for the present- because it is truly a gift

What's in your Oven Friday: Lemon Pepper Chicken

I grew up on greek food. I have a love for any sort of lemon chicken. When I found this recipe, I knew I had to try it, and it absolutely did not disappoint!

Recipe and Photo credit: The Recipe Critic

Ingredient List: 

4 boneless skinless chicken breast 

1/4 cup flower

1 tsp pepper

1/4 cup butter

1 package Italian seasoning mix (dry) 

1/4 cup butter

1/2 cup lemon juice

1/2 cup chicken broth

Salt

Pepper

To Prepare: 

Combine flour, salt and pepper (to taste) in a shallow dish. Bread the chicken in the flour mixture. 

Melt butter in sauce pan, and brown chicken without cooking through. You just want the breading to be a nice golden brown. 

Spray crock with cooking spray and add chicken. Sprinkle seasoning on top

Mix together lemon juice and broth. Add to crock pot.

Cook on low for 3-4 hours and enjoy!

If my ovary had a face, I'd punch it

Really? REALLY? Damn you lazy ovaries.

CD 12 u/s was this morning

Left ovary= 20 follies <8 mm
Right ovary 9 follies <8 mm

Which means unless my left ovary pulls a hail mary this weekend, we're officially out this cycle.


And since we're traveling in November, we're benching ourselves, and taking a month to get healthier again.

Onto Injects+ IUI in December.

Sigh.

Goodbye money!

Struggling to find healthy snacks

As I mentioned on Sunday, life has been crazy busy. Which means I'm not finding the time to shop for healthy(ish) snacks to keep in the office, and I don't have time to run out most days to get a healthy lunch.

Which means my office food comes from this

Which is a problem for several reasons

1) It's not healthy

2) The options are limited
3) It's expensive as hell ($1/bag of chips, HELLO!)

So I've been contemplating buying a subscription snack box, and or getting some sort of meal replacement shake (leaning toward a whey protein base) and bullet blender to keep in the office.


Has anyone done a subscription snack box? Was it worth it? Did you like it? I'd love your thoughts! 

DIY Wednesday: Rice Packs

Photo Credit: Blissfully Content

These have been a game changer for me! From AF cramps to injuries, to just needing something warm in my pockets on a chilly day, these easy to make and easy to heat packs are just what the doctor ordered.

Bonus- you can store them in the freezer to keep their scent stronger for longer, and they hold cold as well as heat, so you can use them as cold packs too!

These are seriously easy, you can make them in a variety of sizes, and you almost always can find scrap fabric that will work well. You just want a fabric that breathes well (like cotton, flannel, or a poly blend)

To make, cut two pieces of matching or coordinating fabric. Sew with right sides together, and then turn right-side out. Fill the bags with rice mixed with a spoonful of dried lavender (or other aromatic), turn the edges in, and then sew the last edge shut.

If you have a serger, you can sew the bags right-side out, leave a small opening to fill the packs, and then finish the small opening.

God will bless you when the time is right

Really? My baby sister (who is in college) sent me a message today that said "Don't be discouraged. You need to stop focusing on your infertility and live life. God will bless you in HIS time, and HIS timing is always right".


Because clearly God only blesses women with pregnancy when the time is right. That's why there are no teenage pregnancies, no more abortions in the US, and there are no kids in the foster care system. And of course these families are all totally and 100% prepared for the impact of a child on their life, which is why WIC and SNAP no longer exist, nobody is receiving welfare, and there is no subsidized housing.


I know she's just a kid, but that level of stupidity hurt me today.

Bringing Sexy Back (mildly NSFW)

I think we can all agree that IF can do a number on your self esteem. I feel unattractive, and sex has become rather mundane.


So when Lane Bryant (read: lingerie store for fat ladies) had a massive sale last week, I may have gone a bit overboard.

As in I bought 8 new bras and 30 pairs of panties. Best use of $180 in a long, LONG time. Because it has, indeed, brought sexy back!

And here are a few of the lovely lacy things I bought (on the models who look a hell of a lot better than I do in them!) 

 

Let's just say that DH approves :) I'm finally feeling HOT again!

Holy BLOAT

I feel like a beached whale. Or at least an obese cat stuck on a counter

This water weight gain has been absolutely ridiculous. I've gained 10+ pounds this cycle despite eating well, limiting sodium, etc. 

This shit is my new BFF

Because honestly, I look like I have a pony keg under my skin. I've never had bloating like this, and it's absolutely destroying me. So here's hoping I see a decrease in the weight over the upcoming week.

I'm trying not to freak out because I know it's literally impossible that I have consumed an extra 35,000 calories in the past 8 days. But it's hard. This shit fucks with you.

Life Hack Sunday: The Tangle of Cords

This is how I feel when I look at my work office, home office, and entertainment centers

We've done cord zippers, masking tape labels... but nothing really worked for us to organize the chaos.

Until I saw this beauty on Pinterest

You can clip like cord together, you can label them, they don't leave behind a sticky residue, and they're FREE! 

Just your garden variety exhaustion

I feel like a neglectful blogger. I've been exhausted, plain and simple.

I've been job hunting for awhile, but was offered a lucrative internal promotion. The program that I have been working with (providing life skills education, nutritional counseling, and job interviewing training) is expanding, and several agencies across the US have been interested in learning more about the model. Since I am the most senior member of my service unit I had been doing one-off trainings. But as interest increased, they realized they needed a full time staff trainer on this model.

And I got the promotion!

While I'm going to miss working in direct services, I take great joy in teaching others, and some of my most exciting weeks in the past year have been the ones I was out training.


It means that I'm going to have more downtime in the office after the first of the year as I transition into more training, federal grant writing (Lord help me, I have no clue what I'm doing) and follow up support, but in the meantime I'm crazy busy. I am closing out my current client case files, and training on top of it. It's meant I'm not online as much as I used to be.


I also forgot how exhausted the Femara makes a person feel. I come home from work and go to bed. My weekends revolve around sleeping. It's just generally the pits.


So that's what's new in my world. I'm on CD 7 and not so patiently waiting for our midcycle scan.

What's in your Oven Friday: Beef Barley Stew

Nothing says "Welcome Fall" quite like a hot bowl of soup or stew. I love this recipe (adapted from Happy Money Saver) because you literally can't screw it up. 

Beef Barley Stew

Ingredients: 

1 pound stew meat- diced

1 1/2 cup sliced carrots

1 1/4 cup diced onion 

1 cup chopped celery

5 cups water

1 tsp parsley flakes (or you can substitute fresh) 

1/4 tsp pepper

2 tbsp beef bouillon powder

1/2 cup pearl barley 

15 oz can of tomato sauce 

To prepare:

Throw it all in the crock pot, stir it up, and cook 8-10 hours on low, or 4-5 hours on high

If you want to freeze to make ahead, omit the carrots and water, bag the rest of the ingredients, and then add carrots and water day of. 

 

DIY Wednesday: Coffee/Cocoa Spoons

This is one of my go-to hostess gifts during the holiday season. I've been doing these for YEARS and honestly they're AMAZING.

Sorry for the lack of my own pics (once again). I really need to get better at snapping them as I go along.

Photo Credit: Wayward Girls Crafts

This is another one of those "so simple it's stupid" DIY projects.


Step 1: Melt chocolate in the microwave. You can use confectioners' chocolate from the craft stores, but I normally just use chocolate chips from the baking aisle.

Step 2: Dip spoon in chocolate a few times to get a nice thick layer. Then fill spoon up almost full with chocolate

Step 3: Lay spoon on cookie sheet covered in wax paper

Step 4: Add toppings (I love crushed peppermints)

Let chocolate cool and harden over night. You can then wrap them individually with saran wrap and a curled ribbon, or make a bouquet and put them in a coffee mug to take along as a gift. 

Life Hack Sunday: T-Shirt Time

My college roommate experience sucked. I tended to end up with crazy bitches who more or less went postal half way through the school year.

This, however, was the one gem that roomie #2 left me with, and it's changed the way I fold laundry

LHS: How to fit 500 t-shirts in one dresser

I'm a t-shirt whore. At any given time I have between 150 and 200, and my husband is just as bad. Luckily we can fit our entire t-shirt collection in a standard 6 drawer dresser. Before we had probably 8 tote bins of tshirts that we rotated in and out of our room. 

I think a future LHS will be our t-shirt quilts though.... because there is such a thing as too many t-shrits! 

Need a vacation from the vacation- and this cycle's a bust!

I feel like a neglectful blogger. No meaningful updates in two weeks!


Well, today my suspicions were confirmed. AF reared her ugly fucking head. I'm not as crushed as I thought I would be (this rum & coke is probably helping!) but I'd be a liar if I said it didn't hurt a bit.

But I'm looking forward to the small victories. I ovulated this month, which means my body can do it! We found a med that works, and doesn't make me crazy.

I also found my sex drive. For the first time in 9 months, DH and I have had sex for fun. A lot of sex for fun, actually.

So much sex for fun that my mother walked in on us while we were on the cruise ship. Talk about making you feel like a 17 year old again!

So here I am, looking ahead to our next full cycle!

What's in your Oven Friday: Honey Garlic Chicken

This is one of those recipes that I make in bulk and freeze for my crock pot. If I'm doing a big chicken day, I always make 2 or 3 bags of this.  It's just sweet and sticky enough to really stick to your bones!

I adapted this recipe from Saving You Dinero 

Photo Credit: Saving You Dinero 

Ingredient list
2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breast (or any other chicken you'd like!)
3 cloves garlic- minced
1/3 cup soy sauce
2/3 cup ketchup
1/4 cup honey
1 tsp brown sugar

To Prepare
Put all ingredients + chicken in zip lock bag. Label and freeze

To Cook
Cook 5-6 hours on low

DIY Wednesday: Sweaters from Mittens

To follow up on my last DIY Wednesday project of the Blessing Bags, I present these upcycled mittens

Photo Credit: Nikki in Stitches

I originally saw this project on Martha Stewart, and I LOVE it. I have issues throwing anything useful away, but there are just some things (like that ugly Christmas Sweater, or the sweater that your husband shrunk) that I know won't sell in a secondhand store. 

This is the perfect project. They're definitely cute enough to wear yourself, but  I love taking a Sunday afternoon and cranking out 20 pairs to take down to the local homeless shelter or soup kitchen, or to put in my blessing bags.

It's truly the easiest project in the world.


Step 1: Trace your hand in a mitten pattern like this (I use a 1/2 inch seam allowance)

Step 2: Cut two layers of fabric from this pattern.
Step 3: sew together

Step 4: turn inside out so the sewn edge is on the inside
Step 5: Repeat to make a matching mitten

Once you get the hang of it, I've found it takes me roughly 5 minutes a mitten. I can crank out a dozen while watching a movie on a lazy afternoon. 

Like a Lobster

We just got home from our trip. It was *exactly* what the doctor prescribed.


Since you know I'm all paranoid about internet security, I'll show you photos of things similar to what we did on vacation.


There were some of these

A bit of this

Some of this:

And a lot of this

Unfortunately there was also a lot of this

Because we were sharing a suite on the ship with my mother. We warned her before the trip that we were working on a grandbaby for her, LOL.

I promise to post a legit trip update once I'm rested up and have uploaded my photos. You still won't get any face photos of us, but Bermuda really is too pretty to not make a huge brag post about. 

Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away With Me

Leaving for vacation in the AM, so I'll be away from the blog.

8 blissful days of no internet, phone, or computer (except for the petsitter in an emergency)

Enjoy the first day of fall tomorrow. I'll be on my way to the pink sandy shores of Bermuda

What's in your Oven Friday: Cranberry Pork Roast

I'm in love with this recipe. I originally found it on Mama and Baby Love, and it's become a staple in our freezer and our crock pot! It's a great recipe to make the same day as the better than sex chicken since you'll have the maple syrup out!

Photo Credit: Nana's Empty Nest

Ingredients
2 pork roasts
2 12oz packages of fresh cranberries
1 cup fresh minced ginger
2 tablespoons maple syrup
2 tablespoons corn starch
1 cup water

To Prepare

Separate all ingredients except for water into two 1-gallon ziplock bags
Put in freezer.

To Cook
Dump contents of bag into crock pot
Add 1 cup water
Cook on low for 4-6 hours, or until fully cooked.



Enjoy!

• 
  

DIY Wednesday: Blessing Bags

Today I bring to you the blessing bags

Photo: Joy's Hope

This is a project that I've done many times over the years, but something I frequently do now that I'm working in a city plagued with poverty. I will not give money to a homeless person on a street corner, as oftentimes they use that money to fuel an addiction. I'm not opposed to helping them with non-financial support. Some days that means stopping at a fast food restaurant and grabbing a few burgers, and sitting and praying with the person while they eat. Other days it means giving a Blessing Bag.

I carry 3-5 of these in my car daily, and normally hand out all of them by the end of my work week. I include the following things, depending on what I can find on sale/free with coupons

Bar soap
Travel sized shampoos
Granola bars
Bandaids
Neosporin
single-packs of tylenol
Toothbrush & toothpaste
hand sanitizer
cough drops
chapstick
socks, mittens, or a hat (during the winter)
pack of tissues or a hankie
single-use laundry soaps
Beef Jerkey
peanut butter crackers
a list of local rescue missions & soup kitchens with addresses


Assemble everything into a gallon zip-lock bag, and keep in your car (within easy reach of the driver's seat) for those moments when you see someone on the corner in need of a blessing.

Ultrasound Tomorrow

I can't wait. I honestly can't freaking wait. I have high hopes for this Femara cycle with the crappy symptoms I've had, so we'll see tomorrow.

I leave on a work trip tomorrow evening, so I'm hoping that my ovaries will cooperate and that my O timing will line up with when I see my hubs again (on Friday).

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow

you're only A DAY AWAY! 

I've got a long drive down to Tennessee (again- 3rd trip this year for work) and a long drive home (because my boss couldn't find a cheap flight) for a ONE DAY in-service. 

And I'm leaving in the middle of the night to avoid having to pay for an extra hotel because our program budget is tight.

Hello coffee. I'll take the one on the left please

And somehow I'll have to dig deep to find the energy to bump uglies with DH when I get back on Friday. All before leaving for vacation on Saturday. 

I've got my toes in the water, ass in the sand

Not a worry in the world, a cold drink in  my hand...

Life is good today! 

Clearly my brain is in vacation mode already. Though (hopefully- follies willing) I won't be able to enjoy any of those delicious fruity drinks onboard our cruise ship as I choose to not drink in the 2WW, there are great things ahead.

I just pre-booked spa passes for my DH, mom, and I. Sure, DH won't be able to enjoy 90% of the spa due to the heat and his MFI issues, but you know what...

I WILL enjoy it. I will enjoy the heated lounge chairs and the aromatherapy showers, and the infinity pool. I will enjoy every last second of that blissful, CHILD FREE oasis. 

Now we just have to get our hands on the VIP adult sun deck tickets and life will be perfect.


The bags are packed, I've got a handful of new books to read (which will probably last all of two days) and I even removed the hedges for DH as a surprise (I haven't done that since our wedding over two years ago!)

All that stands between me and 7 days of vacation bliss is one pesky work trip! 

Oh Hey Femara!

It's Monday. It's not a terrible Monday either!

The Good: After 9 long days, AF is finally gone
The Great: Femara is AWESOME

I've had almost zero side effects. No extreme hot flashes, no mood swings, no tears, no depression, no headaches, and no wanting to eat everything that isn't nailed down.

The one side effect I have had is the fatigue. I've been in bed E-A-R-L-Y most nights, wake up between 1 and 2 AM, blog, write, or hang out on pinterest (or try to find some quiet housework) and then go back to bed around 3, and wake up at 6.

It's slightly obnoxious, but I've had worse, so I'm not complaining.


I've got a follie check on Wednesday, so we'll see what happens! Fingers crossed for 1-3 great looking follies ready to trigger. I'm going to be out of town on business on the day FF predicts my O, so I'm hoping that I can delay until I'm back with my hubs.

We leave on vacation Saturday, and we are sharing a (large) stateroom with my mother on our cruise, so we'll have to work *something* out to do the deed and not be interrupted. Perhaps the old sock on the door trick is in order

Life Hack Sunday

Sundays are normally my day off from the world, so anything that I can find in life to make it a bit easier instantly becomes a Sunday favorite.

So in the spirit of sharing, I present Life Hack Sundays- a guide to making life a bit less busy

This has become one of the most valuable hacks in my life. I go through an iphone cord about once a month, and that's an EXPENSIVE habit.

The best part- this actually works! I haven't broken a cord in two months at this point! 

What's in your Oven Friday

As I alluded in my post last week, I'm breaking out my crock pot and recipes again, and I want to share the ones that work out well!

On the menu this week: Better Than Sex (aka Man Pleasin') Chicken

Photo from Debby's blog, A Feast For the Eyes
(www.foodiewife-kitchen.blogspot.com) 

This was one of the first freezer crock pot recipes that I tried, and it definitely delivers. I'm not a fan of mustard or "exotic" spices, so the fact that I loved this chicken should speak volumes. You can prepare it and cook it in the oven (450* for 40 minutes) but it works SO well as a make ahead crock pot meal. If you do want to make ahead and freeze, I suggest doubling the recipe and dividing into two one-gallon freezer bags. You won't regret it!

This recipe was adapted from the "I <3 Trader Joe's Cookbook"

Shopping List

Chicken Thighs- 1 package (approximately 6)
Dijon Mustard
Maple Syrup
Rice Wine Vinegar
Salt
Pepper
Fresh Rosemary


To Prepare

In a bowl, mix 1/2 cup dijon mustard, 1/4 cup maple syrup, and 1 tablespoon of rice wine vinegar.

Salt and pepper the thighs, and then place thighs into the gallon zip lock bag. add the mustard/maple syrup marinade. Make sure the thighs are all fully coated in the marinade. Freeze until ready to cook in crock pot.

To Cook
Transfer contents of bag to crock pot. Cook on high for 6 hours, or until meat thermometer reads 165*.

Plate the chicken, spooning the extra sauce from the pot over top. Garnish with fresh rosemary.

Finally- a solid answer

I've posted several thoughts on my concerns about ADHD and pregnancy, and how I was going to deal with 9 months without my prescription, as it is a pregnancy category C.

I even had to fire my primary care doctor because of the absolutely disgusting way his nurse treated me when I told her I wanted to discuss adderall during pregnancy. I was treated like a junkie, told I didn't "actually need" the medicine, and that I would be "just fine" without it.

Excuse me, but no. I have a medical diagnosis that necessitates medication. I'm not just taking a controlled substance for shits and giggles. And the fact that this nurse left me a voicemail where she said (word for word) "you don't actually need it, so you you know, you should just stop taking it now" was the breaking point with this doctor's office.


So I called my RE. Left a message with the nurse for my doctor. Told her to tell him that I'd like to discuss the risk vs benefit, that I have done my research and I'm comfortable with the relatively low risk because I'm on a very low dosage to start with.

RE called back this morning. He told me no worries, there was no need to discontinue!


I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy right now!

DIY Wednesday: $30 a year laundry soap

Welcome to the first of what I hope to be a weekly installment into my DIY projects. I've always been crafty, thrifty, and adventurous, and I wanted to share some of that with my faithful readers.

I'm on my 3rd batch of this soap. We are only a family of 2, but I don't like wearing anything more than once without washing, and with my bleeding issues earlier this year, we were doing undergarments and sheets quite frequently. Add in a dog with occasional urine leakage, and we've got a lot of wash! I find this recipe lasts our family about 8 months, and we do at least a load of laundry per day.

This recipe was originally posted on One Good Thing by Jillee (http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com) and I've tweaked several times and am quite happy with my current recipe.

3 bars soap- I use Ivory for Men, as I can frequently find it free with coupons
1 box Borax (76 oz box)
1 box Arm & Hammer Washing Soda
2 small boxes Baking Soda
7 pounds of OxyClean (either two small containers from Dollar Tree, or one large box from the grocery store)
1 container purex crystals for fragrance. We use the lavender.

Grate the 3 bars of soap. We use our large Hamilton Beach food processor to grate it down first, and then use a smaller black & decker processor to get a finer grate to the soap. I've found it's best to mix in 1/2 cup of oxy clean and 1/2 cup of the soap into the smaller food processor- it gives a quicker, finer grate.

Then dump all of the above ingredients into a 5 gallon bucket, snap the lid on, and roll it around your living room/laundry room/back yard to mix well.

We use 1 tablespoon for a small load, and 2 tablespoons for a large load.

Depending on the color soap you use and the fragrences you pick, and how fine you grate it, it should come out looking something like this:

All in all, this recipe normally costs me between $25-$35 to make, and I honestly love it more than just about any other laundry soap.  We used to spend $13 every two weeks on detergent, so it's been a big money saver for our family!

Nothing to complain about

Today, I have nothing to complain about

The pain of menstrual cramps, the frustration of infertility, the battle fatigue of this battle I am fighting?


It's nothing compared to what 2,996 families are going through today. 

I have a survivor in my family. We are one of the many families who through sheer dumb luck got to hold our loved ones again the week after 9/11.

 The person in the cube next to my loved one did not make it out. 

Sheer luck is the only reason my loved one made it home. 

Crushed. but with a game plan. and AF

No response on Medicated Cycle #1

Not a single useful follie. Nothing.

I officially have the laziest ovaries in the history of the world


So they sent me home with a script for provera and a script for femara. The plan was to hold off on the provera so that I'd get AF while on my business trip, and that we'd be set for our mid-cycle monitoring the day we got back from vacation.


My body had another idea. AF reared her ugly head Saturday morning.

And HOLY SHIT. I forgot how much this hurts. I spent most of the weekend asleep on a couch with a heating pad.

While I'm glad my body's doing what it is designed to do, Fertility Friend is now predicting my fertile window while I'm on my work trip.


So we're looking at a cycle with crappy timing.


But at least there's vacation at the end of this dark tunnel! HOORAY!

Fall means CROCKPOT TIME

So I've gotten away from one of my true loves- my crock pot. Prior to my kitchen remodel I never used the damn thing, but being sans kitchen for several months forced me to re-evaluate how I prepared meals.

I was BIG into doing the once a month freezer batch cooking, and I've gotten away from it. It's SUCH an awesome time-saver, but the prep time sucks. I won't lie. Taking a full day of the weekend once a month to do nothing but shop, chop, season, and freeze is b-o-r-i-n-g. Especially during the summer when there are so many things to be done outside.

But now that the weather is turning, I'm back to spending tons of time on pinterest and looking forward to a Sunday date with my freezer bags soon! Once I'm pregnant, my goal is to have a few of my gals over sometime late in 3rd Tri and have a big ol kitchen food prep day and bag up 60-70 freezer meals to last me most of my maternity leave.

But for that to be possible I need to test drive somewhere in the range of 90-120 freezer meals to find 60-70 that I like!

The Spunk is Junk

Figured it was time to address the fact that we're now dealing with MFI and my IF issues.

Over the past week I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and DH got his SA results back

Count: 56.6 million
Motility: 39%
Morph: 4%

Originally DH told me that the motility was 4%- to which my response was "your sperm is lazier than you are!"

Probably not the most supportive reaction on the planet, but he got the news about his SA on the same day as my thyroid diagnosis.

The plan is still TI for this cycle and we'll see how it goes.

The stick says "time to screw"

Last night I got my first faint line on an OPK. Yep, I know it's not positive yet, but until now I had nothing but stark nothingness on OPK's.  And I got a bit over excited.

DH was in the man cave, and he heard me hollering from the bathroom. He RAN up the stairs, worried something was wrong. When he got to the door he asked if everything was ok.

My response: TWO LINES MEANS ITS TIME TO FVCK!

And then I proceeded to remove his shorts right then and there

I'm not scheduled for another follie check until Friday, but if my OPK gets any darker this morning I'm calling the clinic and getting in ASAP.

Hot and Cold

As I mentioned last Sunday, our sex life has been.... nonexistent since I'd say January or so. Provera and Megace both killed my sex drive, and I've spent quite a bit of time not wanting to have sex simply because I felt defective that I could no longer get pregnant.

It's been a SERIOUS sticking point in our marriage. I'm going to be honest, BRUTALLY honest. We've fought nonstop about sex, porn, and having our needs met for the past 3 months. No matter how hard I tried though, I just couldn't get into sex.


Welcome to Clomid Sex. I still haven't been totally "in the mood" but at least I feel like sex can be productive and there's a chance in hell that this month might be the lucky month. In my dream world we'd be having ED sex... and maybe even a few two-a-days for fun.

*gasp* I said it. Sex for FUN again.


And now DH doesn't want it. It's like pulling teeth to try and get laid. We were snuggling on the couch, and I was running my fingers up his thigh. He went to grab my hand, and I pulled away.

The conversation went like this:

DH: Baby, what's wrong
Me: nothing [/sarcasm]
DH: I thought you would want to hold my hand. You've been bitching about not being physical lately.
Me: (exasperated) I don't want to hold your HAND. I want to hold your PENIS... IN MY VAGINA.


And then I cried.


I just want my sex life back at this point.

Pregnant women are SMUG

Big shout out to the Bumpie that shared this video.

I'm a huge Kate Micucci fan, and didn't realize that her sarcastic vocal stylings spill over into an actual musical ensemble.

I just about died laughing watching this.

Doing good things for ME!

Throughout this whole IF nightmare/journey I've slowly been making positive changes in my life again. Eating well, exercising more (or at least trying to) and getting a good night's sleep have all been things I've tried to focus on.


But I realize that as great as my internet lady friends are, I really need to talk to *someone* professionally about the emotions that go with this hideous journey.

Which is why I've decided it's time to schedule an appointment with the counselor at my RE's office. Regardless how this cycle goes, it will be good to get these feelings off of my chest.

So I'm calling tomorrow morning.


Let's high five for putting myself first!

20% Success Rate

This cycle has been a head-trip. For the first time in our TTC journey there's a snowball's chance in hell of me getting pregnant. I hate that we had two "easy" conceptions that we lost so early, and now we're having to fight tooth and nail to see those two pink lines.


Which means I've had a lot of hope in this cycle. My body is *finally* doing what it should have been doing these past two years, but at the same time I have to keep reminding myself that we're only at a 15-20% chance of success.

That's an 80-85% chance of failure. It's more likely that we WON'T get pregnant this month, which is a real buzzkill.

But I am hanging on to that 20% chance that we will.

Why you need to be monitored on Clomid

One of the most common questions that we get asked on TB is "why do I need to be tested before taking Clomid and why should I be monitored"

First, let's address the testing. Making sure that there are no underlying issues is essential to making a treatment plan.

Proper testing before starting ANY fertility med includes (at a minimum) 

-An HSG for the female partner
-CD3 and 7DPO blood work for the female partner
-SA for the male partner

So why bother with all of this testing? Imagine your eggs are race cars, your ovary is the gas station, and your Fallopian tubes are the roads to the finish line. If you have tubal scarring, a defect, or blockage, no matter how much race fuel (Clomid) you pump into the cars at the gas station, your car won't make it to the finish line.

And the bloodwork? That's important because it can rule out underlying disorders (thyroid, adrenal hyperplasia, etc) that can be making getting pregnant even more complicated.

And the SA (semen analysis)? There's also no point in pumping the race cars full of race fuel if they make it to the finish line alone. If your partner's little swimmers aren't able to get to the egg, no amount of clomid in the world is going to solve that problem.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And then there's the monitoring. At this point, many people have spent $1,500-$2,000 on testing alone and are questioning why in the world they need to have MORE tests done every month.

Proper monitoring on clomid looks like this:

CD3 ultrasound & bloodwork to make sure you don't have any cysts forming

CD10-14 ultrasound (depending on when you normally ovulate) to check your response to the drugs. If you haven't responded, they can increase the dosage, and if you responded too well (hyperstimulated) they will cancel the cycle so that you don't end up like Kate Gosselin. Clomid also has a nasty habit of thinning out your lining, so they'll measure that to make sure you can implant.

7DPO (NOT CD21) bloodwork- to check hormone levels to ensure that your body will be able to sustain a pregnancy if implantation occurs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


We're talking about your health. Your risk of maternal death increases when on unmonitored clomid due to the risk of higher order multiples. You could also develop OHSS which can be fatal, and you risk significant damage to your reproductive organs.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

On firing a doctor

I seem to have terrible luck with general physicians/family doctors. Some might go so far as to call me a high-maintenance patient. I hate that word. I prefer to describe it as "I know what I want, and I have expectations for my doctor".


My "short list" of what I expect from a physician's office

1) Punctuality. My time is just as valuable as yours. If my appointment is scheduled for 1PM, I expect to be seen at 1PM. Or 1:15. Not 2:00, 2:30, or 3:00. If I'm left to wait more than 30 minutes, you should expect a bill from me. If I have to pay a penalty for not showing on time, so should you.

2) I'm coming to see a doctor. Nothing grinds my gears  more than walking in and being introduced to my "provider". I have a cable & internet provider. I would like to see a DOCTOR. Not a PA, not a nurse practitioner. Someone with the letters MD or DO after their name.

3) I will not get on a scale. Thank you. I have a scale at home. I weigh in at least every other day. My scale is not calibrated the same as your scale. I'm more than happy to report my weight, or weigh in if it is medically necessary for a prescription or before surgery. But I will not give up my right to refusal of medical tests simply because it's easier for you.

4) I probably won't like your nurse, and you need to be ok with that. I don't know what it is about me and the nurse "assigned" to my doctor, but we tend to butt heads. She's there to get me into a room and get my vitals. Nothing more. She also doesn't have the right to make medical decisions regarding my medications, so if you think it's appropriate for your nurse to tell me to stop a medication without consulting you first, well, yeah, this won't work out.

5) I will advocate for myself. I won't take your advice at face value. I know myself and my body well enough to know if something's a good idea or not. I won't blindly accept pills. I won't take a diagnosis at face value, and I will question the need for every medical procedure.



All this to say I'm on the market for a new physician. My current MD's nurse left me in tears and I'm not OK with the way he handled the situation either.

Did something stupid/Hope I don't jinx myself!

DH and I have always planned to cloth diaper our future LO(s). I also have several mommy friends who CD and love it. Several of said friends are pregnant with #2 at this point, so I've been watching craigslist and freecycle for good deals.

Came across a set of 11 BumGenius diapers (for those who aren't in the know, they're a darn good diaper) for $50 total. They retail new for $18 each, so less than $5/each for gently used diapers is a STEAL.

Of course, my friends' stashes are all full right now... which has left me with 11 cloth diapers. For Future Fetus Dreamer.


Yeah. I just became *that person* that buys baby stuff for the baby that doesn't exist yet.

I'm sending them to my mom's house, and telling her if we're not pregnant by next year to sell them online.

So now I'm just praying I didn't jinx myself.

The CLOMID CHALLENGE

It sounds so much more exciting when it's called "The Clomid Challenge". It sounds like some sort of ovarian olympics. Or an Ironman for your uterus.

In reality it means your ovaries SUCK and didn't do jack squat for the last round of clomid.


Had my CD14 follie check today. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. A few little 7mm useless things on my right ovary (which is useless since my right tube is blocked) and nothing measurable on my left.

I feel so completely, utterly, and totally defeated right now. My left ovary  has been a literal pain in my side, and I had such a pretty temp drop and spike this weekend. Of course it came back down today and I'm chalking up my excitement to a change in blankets or something asinine. 

Is it 5:00 yet? I need something stiff. 

Let's talk about sex

Honestly, IF has destroyed our once active sex life. Before all this BS, we were the every-other-day hot, rough, naughty sex type. Not 50-shades-of-Grey naughty, but "more than you can buy at Spencers" naughty.

Now we're lucky if we have sex once a month, and it's more out of a feeling of obligation. It's mechanical and boring. I'll be honest, IF has made me feel defective. It's gotten to the point where I say "Why bother having sex, it's not like I can get pregnant even if we try, and no matter how much we do it we won't have a baby on our own".

Sex has become self-defeating for me and it's ruining our marriage. DH is constantly frustrated, I'm constantly mopey, and I feel like the only time he's physically affectionate toward me is when he thinks he can get some. I can't say that I blame the guy though- I've been shutting him down left and right.

Now that we're in medicated cycles, I've tried to explain that before we screw like bunnies, we have to make sure it's safe for me, and for Future Fetus/fetuses Dreamer. I've explained the risk of higher order multiples, of WHY we need to wait until after our ultrasound to bang bang bang. He gets it. He's not happy about it, but he gets it.

So here we are at the present. I've had negative OPKs all week and my temps have been holding steady. Imagine my surprise Saturday morning when I woke up with a temp drop on CD 12.

Was this the magical pre-O temp drop so many speak of?!??!??!?!

"woah Naria, PUMP THE BRAKES"

We're not scheduled for our follie check until Monday. My CD3 ultrasound was clear of cysts, and since I haven't had a cycle in 8 months at this point, they assumed I'd O later in my cycle.

"but but but but....."

I had to make a judgement call, and I'm pretty sure I just made the wrong one because I had a temp spike this morning. Lord help me if I pull a Kate Gosslin. I just couldn't help myself any longer.

But the sex was great. 

The OPKs never turned positive, so I'm hoping perhaps I was just warm in my sleep....

So here's to my ultrasound tomorrow morning. Lord help us if I already O'd.