From 0-60 in 3.5

My ovaries are apparently professional procrastinators.


Currently on CD 20. My meds schedule has looked like this

CD3-7: Femara
CD7-CD9: 50IU Follistim (no follies over 8mm)
CD10-CD13: 75IU Follistim (no follies over 8mm)
CD14-CD16: 150IU Follistim (no follies over 8mm)
CD17-CD19: 200IU Follistim: HOLY FREAKIN' RESPONSE

Went in for ultrasound #4 and boy was I surprised. We started with my right ovary as it's normally harder to get a good view of. Saw one follie measuring 13.5 Whoop de doo- it's my blocked side.

And then they did the scan of the left ovary. I about fell off the table
13
12.5
12
11
11


And my E2 came in at a jaw dropping 2370.

So they've dialed me back to 100IU for tonight and tomorrow, and going in Saturday bright and early for a final scan this cycle. If all looks good we'll be triggering Saturday night for a monday morning IUI.

I'm not dumb. I know there's a high liklihood of this cycle getting cancelled. I know there's a high risk of OHSS. I know there's a high risk of HOM.

But damnit, this is the first cycle I've had more than one follicle. And for that I am going to be excited!

Wordless Wednesday

Never complaining about my blessings again

The other day I was venting about my DH's current work schedule. He's been a homemaker for several years due to personal reasons, and recently accepted a 3rd shift position that fit his current interests. It was a temp job, but it was a great opportunity to close the gap in his resume as he prepares to re-enter his career field.

I'd been feeling neglected and was really struggling with working opposite shifts. I vented about it to my IF ladies the other day.

He was fired last night. No reason given. He got to work, his boss was waiting for him and said "Thank you for your contributions, but your employment here is no longer necessary".

I know I didn't cause him to get fired.  Deep down I know it wasn't my fault, and that my venting online about working opposite shifts had NO impact on his termination. 

It was honestly the most bizarre experience ever because last night at dinner he was talking about how one of his clients had contacted his boss to thank DH for going above and beyond the prior shift to get an additional project done in a timely manner. 5 hours later he was fired.

So much for closing that gap in the resume. He's going to reach out to his boss's boss to see if he can get to the bottom of what happened. I'm honestly still shell-shocked.

I seriously cannot take any more disappointment this month.

This is me today. Biggest follie after 10 days of stimming and 5 days of femara is 8mm.

I'm guessing they're going to cancel this cycle.

*sigh*

Dear Lazy Ovaries....

Dear Lazy Ovaries:

Stop being so damn lazy. I know all of you cute little polycystic folliciles (all 18 of you damnit!) are rather attached to me, but seriously, a few of you are going to have to give up the ghost and GET MOVING this month.


Treatment so far

Femara: CD 3-7
50IU Follistim: CD7-CD9
75IU Follistim: CD10-CD13
150IU Follistim: CD14-CD16 (Today-Sunday)

Going in for a re-scan on Monday. Here's hoping that SOMEONE takes the lead already

But you're so young- this should be easier

"But your so young.... it should be easier to get your ovaries to respond" 

Words out of the mouth of my RE yesterday morning.

Really? Are you effing kidding me? Of COURSE this should be easier. I'm in my mid 20's. Most women my age get pregnant "without trying" or "their first cycle off birth control". Even for the ones who "take a big longer" they often see pregnancy within 6-9 months of starting to try.

Hey douchecanoe, do you really think it was necessary to remind me that this should be easier? 

Do you really think I haven't noticed how "hard" this is as I stab myself with needle after needle, night after night? 

Did you think that I say to myself "gee whiz, these hot flashes, mood swings, and depression are just effing dandy?"

Did you think that you needed to remind me that most women "my age" respond "quite well" to clomid or femara... and that I'm not one of those women

Did you think I needed a reminder that while most people get knocked up and start a college fund for their spawn, that I'm draining our savings and rainy day funds to help our dream of becoming parents become a reality? 

This is the same RE who said "maybe a vacation is just what the two of you need. Just relax this month and who knows, maybe you'll come back pregnant" when we told her we were taking a month off to enjoy our vacation. 

I'm sorry- a doctor who did a 3 year fellowship in infertility should KNOW BETTER than to say things like this. 

As one of my IF ladies said "I'm sorry you had to deal with a doctor with a radioactive mouth".


I don't have the energy to deal with this. I just really don't. 

It's a tea party

This is the view next to my desk right now.

I think I have a slight problem, because I have 4 more tins of tea on the way.


I was never a coffee drinker growing up- I was BIG into tea. I worked in a tea boutique retailer through high school and college. I was obsessed with the stuff. 

And then I joined the working world and got hooked on coffee.

But I've decided to cut back on caffeine- and I can have 4 cups of tea a day vs 1 cup of coffee

Sounds like a win-win to me. Except for my teeth. I'm going to have to get a toothbrush to keep at work.  

Stims Schedule

Just got my stims schedule from my RE. It's much lower than I anticipated.

CD3- 5mg Femara (AM)
CD4- 5mg femara (AM)
CD5- 5mg Femara (AM)
CD6- 5mg Femara (AM)
CD7- 5mg Femara (AM) + 50iu Follistim (PM)
CD8- 50iu Follistim (PM)
CD9- 50iu Follistim (PM)
CD10- Monitoring appointment

My lining was "perfect" and my left ovary is showing "lots of potential" so they backed down the Follistim from 75iu to 50iu to try and avoid overstimming. We'll see how I look next Monday. I'm feeling really positive about it right now- more positive than I've felt any other cycle so far.

Now I get what everyone means when they say monitoring messes with your day.

Today I have a big meeting.

A big important all-day training meeting.

A big important all-day training meeting where I am the only woman present.


And I have a monitoring appointment smack dab in the middle of it.


This is going to be awkward excusing myself from....

CD1- Eff you hormones

Oh my word. CD1 is absolutely here with full force. My back hurts, I have horrible cramps, and I cannot stop crying.

I got hooked on Chicago Fire today and the episode included a woman giving birth on the side of the highway. When the baby started crying I started bawling my eyes out.

I really hope that this cycle is it for us. I'm sick and tired of this waiting game. I'm sick and tired of watching everyone else around us get pregnant I'm sick and tired of my well-meaning siblings saying ridiculous shit like "God will bless you when the time is right"


I'm just ready to be a mom. Plain and simple. I spent last night playing with a face morphing tool. Morphing my face with DH's.... to see what our future kids could look like:

We're going to make some pretty darn cute kids if I do say so myself. and I'm ready for them to be real. Not CGI dreams of what could be. 

OUT!

The Scottish play is one of my favorite, and I could think of no better quote for me right now. I've been spotting for about 24 hours, and I have my usual PMS diarrhea. Yeah, it's gross. I know.


But I think AF is finally on her way. We may still have a shot at an October baby after all!

Oh hey there period

Oh hey there period...


... nope, wait, JK.


It's been a week since ending the provera and still no AF. This is getting really REALLY old. I figured I'd be stimming by now and scheduling our IUI next week.

Instead I'm sick as a dog and no sign of AF anywhere.

Make new friends, but keep the old.

Just like the old girl scout song, I've spent the past few days reflecting on friendships. The past two years have brought some great new folks into my life, and rekindled some great former friendships.

A softball teammate that I played with in first grade and hadn't seen since graduating high school and I have bonded over the loss of our fathers. Her dad died almost a year to the day after my dad died. She just got engaged over the weekend, and I had a great conversation with her today about weddings after losses. I was lucky that my dad was there for my wedding, but we cancelled our big to-do and had a family only ceremony with no reception so that my dad could be there. So we commiserated over not having a daddy/daughter dance.

My former BFF. Around 6 years ago we got into a fight (over what I cannot even remember) and she stopped speaking to me. For 6 years I would occasionally reach out with an email, facebook message or letter, and never got a response. On Christmas Eve she facebooked me and apologized for her part in the fight, and we spent over an hour catching up on each others lives.

My divorced friend. It has been so hard not being able to be there to wipe tears, give hugs, or go shopping since we are hundreds of miles apart. But we are closer than we have ever been.


No real point to this post. Just wanted to put in words how happy I am to have the new-old friends that I have