So today has been a long day for many reasons. The hubs and I both over-extended ourselves doing yard work before either of us were cleared to do so post-op. It was just such a lovely day. That decision landed both of us in urgent care- him with bleeding, me with suspected pneumonia. With a 2.5 hour wait, we decided to come home and just tough it out.
The truly hard part of the day was the pregnancy announcements. Several of my friends posted their u/s photos on facebook today. Two of them have been married less than a year. Announcements don't normally bother me, but for some reason these did- it may have just been the rapid succession.
I'm not proud to admit the thoughts that I had- the immense anger and hatred I had toward these women whom I love dearly. I know deep down that I don't hate them, that I simply hate myself for being unable to achieve what they have come across so easily. I spent a good hour having a big ugly cry and I feel better- not great, but better.
The thoughts have recently been crossing my mind with my hyperplasia situation that I'm not even sure if I want to pass on my genes. I feel like I cannot in good conscience knowingly pass that propensity on to another generation. Adoption as a first and only option is looking better and better, but I know DH really wants a biological child, so I'm not ripping the ute out yet.
Hopefully this week brings happier news and happier posts.
I'm so sorry you took a big step back in your recovery from surgery, Naria. None of this is fair... that both you and your husband are recovering from surgery, that you're dealing with IF and hyperplasia, that the people around us can get pregnant so easily yet we struggle. Truly, sincerely, big ((hugs)) to you and I hope today brings new hope.
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